MY JOURNEY
Almost ten years ago, I was a woman in my early 40's, sitting on the top step of the stairs in my loft in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I sat there, observing where I was. Apparently, I was on top of all my achievements: I had recently purchased that gorgeous loft with a huge backyard (a rarity in NY and I was lucky to have it). I had traveled the world - I could see the things I brought home placed around. I was the mother of a marvelous little human being whom I could hold in my arms. I was married, and I was a creative director in one of the most recognized ad agencies in the world. And I was living in my dream city.
On that night, I was also unpacking a small suitcase after running away for a few days in an attempt to catch some air and deal with the tons of emotions and wounds that I didn’t know how to embrace and had accumulated over time: the day I came back from maternity leave, I was told that I would be laid off in a few months. Over 20 years in corporate life as a workaholic and always on the edge of burn-out. My marriage was falling apart, and my sweet 4-year-old had the power to make me laugh in one second and want to yell like crazy in the next one. I was boiling inside.
After that trip, my impulsivity took its course: a few months later, I left the agency; I separated at the same time, became a co-parent, and enrolled as a student again. I was stripping away all my identity without knowing it. On paper, it all sounded right, but when I came back home or sat in silence on my own, I cried night after night, grieving my relationship, missing my son on the days I wasn't with him. I felt so guilty and angry. Suddenly, all my wounds started to make themselves felt, but I was there, 'apparently free'.
Little did I know, I was embarking on the beginning of my Own Healing Revolution.
Through my son's father's life-threatening health issue, I was brought down to my knees. We both lived in New York, far away from our families of origin, so for me, we are a constellation despite not being a couple anymore. I didn’t know what was going to happen, I couldn’t foresee what was coming our way. Nevertheless, I decided to offer my help and took care of him while he would recover.
Many days and nights at the hospital, a few more surgeries; I juggled drop-offs and pick-ups at school, doctor's appointments, and called friends who had offered their support. All the while, I used what I believed to be a significant strength of mine: my optimism. I tried to smile and stay positive despite whatever was going on. But honestly, I didn't have any tools to cope with all that I was going through.
One night, a dearest friend—someone for whom I am deeply grateful to have had around me during that time—rang my doorbell and said, ‘Go, get a breathwork workshop at Maha Rose (a healing center around the corner).’ I was hesitant, feeling tired and not in the mood. She pushed me to go, so I went there. Upon arrival, I removed my shoes, sat quietly without sharing a word with anyone else. The facilitator began, and I followed her instructions. Suddenly, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably, releasing all the energy I had been painfully holding in my chest.
During that session, I had the powerful realization that I needed to take care of myself first in order to be able to take care of anyone else. My tank was about to run empty, and that marked the beginning of learning to ask for help and being open to receiving it. Since then, I have explored and embraced every healing opportunity that resonates with me. I've delved deeply into my vulnerability, opening up to my darkest and hidden sides.
Those might have been some of the hardest days of my life, but they were also some of the most rewarding. I gave my all every day, loving unconditionally with every passing minute. I was celebrating life all the time.
By helping him heal (he is alive and healthy by the way) and committing to my growth and expansion, my self-healing journey began. It has allowed me to completely reinvent my life and feel thrilled about everything I experience every day.
Life it's a work in progress, with deeper and deeper layers of beliefs and unknown wounds to explore. It's not always easy, but it's absolutely worth it.
Now I know who I am, and I own that power and the life that is unfolding for me. Every day, I emerge with more knowledge of myself, becoming more whole each time and gaining the courage to authentically be who I am in this world.
Down the road, we stepped into the Unschooling world, where a deeper path of liberation kicked off. I was introduced to the notion of deschooling, which is the unlearning of our conditioning, an idea that has stayed with me and extended to all areas of life beyond the confines of educational structures.
My heart is wide open; sometimes it's overwhelming. And I believe you feel that way sometimes too. How do I know? Because you are here, reading these lines, navigating this crazy world as well.
Deep within you, YOU KNOW your potential, and it might scare you. I'm afraid sometimes too!
We must reclaim our wholeness; the world needs our magic. I am here to support your growth and unfolding. Together, we can do it.
Let LOVE, not fear lead your way.
This is my prayer:
For everything that has been in my life, I say Thank You, and to all that is yet to be, I say Yes!